I don't remember. Are we still dating?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Randomize
