last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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