Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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