Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I want to make a zoo with you.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
