Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Randomize
