Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
