just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
