omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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