Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It's official drugs can't kill me
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
