ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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