Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
