it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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