its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
