dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
