even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
