He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
