how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize