Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
