thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
