I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
