Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
