My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize