Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
i think i just lost a toe
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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