a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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