i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
