White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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