My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
