Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
