I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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