Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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