fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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