You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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