Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I need moral support for this bender
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
