Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
