Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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