It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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