two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
