Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
