I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
