i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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