alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
