remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I have aggressive nipples.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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