i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
