Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
