but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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