And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
