Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You're a waste of cheezeits
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
