No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
