if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
