oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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