you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Randomize