we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
