Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
