You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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