In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he was CRYING into my vagina
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Bring me that man meat
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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