Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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