You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
