I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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