ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
