So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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