The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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