Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
