Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
