I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
