Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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