Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
