The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
